The Tai Tai's Musings on "Face"

We hear over and over whilst in China about the importance of "Face" in in this country. "Saving Face." "Losing Face." Treading lightly in business, daily life, and interactions, because of the huge importance "face" plays in Sino culture.

China (along with other Asian nations like Japan, and Korea) place a huge value on "Face". These countries (and also some in the Middle East and South America) are considered "high-context cultures". In a "high context culture" you don't say things directly. You beat around the bush. You read context from clues. Status and hierarchy play important roles. Honor is important too. And respect. The most important, honored etc is the one who: (fill in the blank ... pours the tea, who pays the bill -- based on where they sit at a round banquet table with relation to the door, etc). To Americans and others from "low-context cultures" it sometimes seems like a lot of smoke and mirrors.

People in low context cultures (like the one I hail from) speak directly. The meaning of what I say is understood by what I say. Here, not so much. You don't speak directly. If you want a taxi driver who is going uncontrollably fast to slow down you don't tell him simply, "Slow down," you say, "Maybe slow down a little." Yi dian dian (Literally: "one little, little") gets tagged on to so many phrases in Chinese its almost laughable, because you really mean the opposite!

But the high contextual culture of China has been skewed by its modern history. Communism makes all (in theory) equal. So high context gets lost or at very best convoluted. If everyone is equal the need for honor and status go away. But "face" somehow remains. To save someone's "face" often means more beating around the bush, not speaking directly, and not initiating direct conflict, because a high context culture yearns for harmony among its members.

(This is not a treatise on Chinese culture, but a quick lesson, and I will be getting to my point....)

But here is the part I struggle with. Low-context culture or not, I don't like to be embarrassed either. I don't think China has cornered the market on this one. "Face" to a certain degree is a human need regardless of culture. No body likes to get singled out, or corrected, or embarrassed.

But, why the Sociology lesson today, Tai Tai? you may ask...

I muse about "Face" today, because several times in the last week I've destroyed it. My original title for this piece was "Saving, losing and destroying face." And I stand before you today in blogland and low-contextually admit outright that I have been a face destroyer this last week. I have knowingly used what I know will bring attention in this high context society.

Remember all those boxes that came from IKEA last week? Five of the most unmotivated and unskilled delivery people showed up. They told me they couldn't make around the corner. They couldn't get the boxes in the door to my apartment. They dropped my "fragile" box. Then said they didn't. (One girl whispered I should open the box they didn't drop to make sure it was okay.) They were pathetic.

This is China. People hand carry pianos up multiple flights of stairs. They opt to use human labor in place of mega machines. They are some of the hardest working people on the planet. (And just to be very clear, these five have been the exception to most of my experiences over the last four years). Not to mention that these five twenty-somethings work for a shipping company, and thus their job is to deliver large boxes. And, did I mention there were FIVE of them.

But, I tried face saving first....

"Maybe if you tried 'one little little' more it would work?" (Making it a question also helps the statement be less direct.)

I patiently tried again.

"Maybe if You walk backwards and You pivot this way, you both can navigate the doorway?"

I didn't add ("And, you other three are doing a splendid job of doing nothing.. please continue to simply just look on...)

Finally in frustration I pointed to the logo on their shirts.

"This is a moving/shipping company right?"

"Your job is to move/deliver things?"

They got it.

But they lost face.

One of the five had agreed that they could take the mattresses to the second floor.

But after face loss no one was willing.

The low-context, direct speaking Tai Tai was on it.

"Okay, don't take my mattresses up." I said, digging my heals into this "face" smearing event.

"There are five of you and one of me, but I will carry this mattress up by myself."

Two started ducking out the door.

"You wait here." I intoned in a way that made them certain to continue hanging out awkwardly with me and my ayi in my living room.

They watched me un-pack the light weight twin mattress, carry it up the steps and heave it over the railing to the second floor.

I came down, and told them there was one more mattress (an Asian king size) I had to carry up before I would sign their invoice and then they could leave. There was suddenly great interest on their part to carry the second mattress up the stairs after all.

I signed the invoice.

They left.

And then ayi told me. "They couldn't carry that first mattress because they were all too short."

She was "Restoring Face." The collective "Face" of five people she'll never see again, because in the high-context society she lives in, "Face" is everything.