Honest. Gutsy. and Saying Goodbye.

I saw our friends off on Friday.

I watched as they said good-bye to each one of his staffers on the back steps of their building. I watched as stoic 20-something Chinese guys, with stylish haircuts and handsome suits tried to stave off their own tears as they sent their German boss and his family off with good wishes. I watched as his female staffers, dabbed self consciously at wet eyes, and realized mine were wet as well.

Then, at last, it was our turn. The time came for the final embraces, for the final double kiss (one on each cheek), the Final Goodbye.

Then we watched as the they climbed in a van headed east down Donghai Lu toward the airport, with one-way tickets out of China tucked into their passports. And we finally saw them off.

But we had been seeing them off all week:

@ All day play date when their girls came to hang out with us as the packers came to their place and boxed up their life into tidy rows and stacks of cardboard and bubble wrap

@ The Korean BBQ dinner at the end of that exhausting day

@ Our all day play date two days later where my friend graciously carved out hours in their fleeting moments to hang out with us. (I busted the big girls out of school for the afternoon and we enjoyed laughter and sunshine and tea in the garden to the chorus of five girlies who function like sisters.)

@ the outside courtyard of a recently opened mall, where we were joined by Canadian friends. It was a "this-could-only-happen-in-China Dinner": The Kids armed with Hello Kitty Happy Meals from the Golden Arches, The Adults with trays of Indian food sneaked out of the food court (it was far too beautiful an evening to be cooped inside the confines and din of a Chinese basement canteen!), and a bottle of vino surreptitiously pulled from a handbag and poured into paper cups. Under a inky black sky, and the heady combination of curry and merlot we toasted friendship, and families, and laughed at the visual reminders we will always have of China when a local father coached is toddler to crouch and pee not 10 feet from where we (and others) where dining alfresco!

We have going away parties scheduled every Saturday (beginning last week) for four weeks in a row. It's a bitter-sweet time of year.

Friday night it all caught up with me. (The way emotion comes and rolls over me like a wave is never predictable.) Mr. Johnson and I were out to dinner at our favorite Italian joint, nearing the end of the meal, and overwhelmed by exhaustion from a busy and emotional week, and quite possibly by the fabulous antipasti, wood fired pizza, and seafood pasta we had just consumed. He caught my eye, and held my hand, and I felt the tears begin, dripping from my eyelashes, rolling unchecked and unabashed down my cheek.

Perhaps it was simply

the moment,

or the house red,

or the fact we were dining in Italian restaurant next to a long table of actual Italian citizens.

Two quick tangents:
1. There is never a better sign that you are at a good Italian restaurant than to have Italians deeming it Delizioso.
2. Olive Garden will never cut it after Trattoria Verde!

But I honestly think the Italians had something to do with it. Nothing is more honest than macho men who can greet each other with a brotherly kiss. Nothing is more gutsy than an adult man who can rock a white leather belt.

I love honest and gutsy. Its a huge part of what it takes to make a go of living abroad. And you have to be a little of both to let your emotions show. Traditionally, Italians have cornered the market on these traits, and they are noble ones to emulate.

I cried because I missed my friends already. I cried because its sad to see people go. But I also cried because of the richness and complexity that comes with the life we've chosen. Our lives are enriched by the people we meet, the culture we live in and opportunities we have here. The stakes sometimes are incredibly high. You meet and develop friendships with people for a relatively temporary amount of time, but not necessarily in a temporary way. But the payoffs are worth it, I can see that, even through the tears.

"The pain now is part of the happiness then. That's the deal."

Shadowlands