| The Expat Exit | Installment One

Sweet John Mayer continues to croon in my sidebar. Urging me to "say what I need to say." Telling me I'll feel better in the end. And so with Mr Mayer's gentle nudge, I'll give you some feedback on how I'm feeling during this stage of our Expat Exit timeline.

Mr Johnson

Firstly, to clarify.

Mr Johnson is still employed.

He will have placement within his company. His project, which was somewhat controversial at the highest levels of this Fortune 500 (but seemed to him like a no-brainer, progressive opportunity here) was simply cut. I hadn't considered the need to post this basic status, until an seasoned expat friend on the ground here recently asked me thoughtfully, yet directly. So those unsure if this announcement meant an end to our time in China, or an end to his employment, it's probably good to clarify.

Encouraging Friends

It's also so good, I realize almost daily, to be here now. We are surrounded by people who understand how these kinds of things simply happen. It's a common expat tale. I have said sad good byes to friends in the same situation before. And quietly, in the back of my mind and heart, had steeled myself for this possibility. (Not that that necessary lessoned the blow when the words were said audibly.)

Our expat friends have said so many kind words. Asked thoughtfully about next opportunities. Been the balm that we needed and the support network we relied on. That in a nutshell is the secret treasure of expat life.

We were fearful five years ago as we prepared for our move here that we would be stepping off the edge of the earth, into an unknown, and hurtled headlong into a 30 month commitment to China that we would find someway to muddle through. We wondered "what kind of people move to China," and we were surrounded at home by people unsure of why we would want to.

As we arrived, we were met by expatriates who were like us and those who were not. On one end, intrepid, suitcase toting half-pats. On the other, stuffy container laden expats with sights on career advancement and import grocery items. We met people who loved it here. People who hated it. People who endured it. And people who sometimes scampered between love, hate and acceptance.

Expatriate Experience

We found a soft place to land somewhere in the middle. In short we found a place to fit in. We aligned ourselves with people positive about being here, but also along side those who were realistic about the challenges. We found a network of friends, and realized that often the people we met here would offer us friendship and guidance (if asked for or needed), but mostly (and perhaps most reassuringly) just the knowing look of shared experience.

In time you find that you are the one doing the buoying of new expats. It is you offering the shoulder on which to cry, or the doorstep on which to deposit the busy toddler of an expat friend preparing to move on. It is the cyclical, transient experience of expats. And despite the relatively short amount of time we might know someone here (four or more years is a lifetime in expat experience), the depth of the relationships I've formed here will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Because as we prepare to move on, I'm afraid not only of loosing those proximity to those friends, but also that ease of making friends is not easily replicated in our home culture. While our family would jump at the chance of another foreign assignment, we recognize that with the present economy repatriation seems most likely. Ironically, we are no longer terrified of hurdling headlong into the unknown, but we find ourselves anxious about a return to what is known.

"I have two and a half friends," a former expat friend emailed me. One full year after her repatriation. Her note full of blunt honesty.

The repatriation phase often takes longer than the initial adjustment to your foreign post. All the experts agree on this. And all agree that for each individual the process is different.

For now I am content to enjoy our remaining months here. Savoring the life we live in QD, with friends from all over the globe. Making the last memories. Drinking the last lattes. And being sure to keep the word "last" from dominating our conversations.