{two: move slowly}
The way I see it ... three weeks in ... is you need to take your time, and not rush into anything. As in, don't commit to volunteer, join a club the requires something of you, a church, or the PTO. There will be a time and a place for these things. And quite possibly joining will help create the sense of community we presently lack. But for now we need time to mourn our old community, and suss out where we might best fit into a new community. We have what could possibly be a lifetime ahead of us in this area, and for now everything seems a little different from what we are used to.
Everything seems to take a little longer anyway for us these days. We take ages to get up and out the door. I am paralyzed by choices at the store. Homework that should be done in a jiffy somehow seems to drag out. We are moving ahead at a snail's pace. But: we are moving ahead.
There is much to be said in favor of a slow pace. We focus more inward, on our family. We share our experiences and really take time to listen ... which might be what is slowing us down, but in the end what just might put us ahead.
I don't specifically remember this 'move slowly' nugget from any of my repatriation research ... although Robin Pascoe strongly urges the unassigned spouse not to jump immediately back into work, and she adds... don't get a puppy.
6 comments:
You know, I could've used that wise little bit about the puppy two months ago.
Hang in there - it gets easier.
Don't get a puppy?? What?? That's terrible. Bruce has promised Vivi a puppy the moment we get off the plane. I may be getting ahead of myself, but I have been researching repatriation books. What did you find most helpful? Or maybe that's a blog post in its own right.
My vivi loves her puppy :-)
Great post Jen. Love you guys.
Is Bruce going to take care of the puppy and it's training? (BTW I think Bruce and puppies are both great, but I think the author's point was that with so many details to attend to, and a new pace of life, adding one more commitment ... her example a puppy ... because the responsibility for it's care fell on her, is something to fully consider.) To counter her point, I think our collie has helped our girls with their transition here, but she does complicate things ... housekeeping won't clean our rooms unless she's kenneled (and Guinnea is not keen to be kenneled after 30 unpleasant hours in her kennel while in transit.) So she has made most of the 15 trips I make back and forth between the hotel and the girls school each week.
Overall, I've found websites/blogs more helpful than books, because most of the material on the subject seems a little outdated. I like Pascoe's books, especially, 'Homeward Bound,' {even if she is against puppies}
I'm surprised that the advice isn't to jump into activities in order to meet people and develop a sense of belonging. But Joseph and I especially knew instinctively to commit slowly. It might have slowed the adjustment progress in one way, but sometimes the day out at school was all the newness Joseph could take. Then it felt good to retreat to the home "cave" where it was comfortable.
It's amazing to me ... 15 months into repatriation and I reacted with "excitement" to a grocery ad this morning, when I saw an "American" product we were able to buy in QD was on sale. Hmmmm it takes awhile my friend, it takes awhile. I feel it is a bit harder as an empty nester as am not "forced" into the school system, etc.
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