Repatration:: What I didn't say

A little over three years ago I began this blog as a way to chronicle our last days in China. What was supposed to be a nine month documentation became a journey much longer*. When we eventually came to the end of that international journey eleven months ago I debated whether or not to keep the blog alive.

People loved to see posts of places we traveled. They loved to hear of adventures in China and our 'lost in translation' moments. {My readership was largely friends and family from home, with a smattering of other expat bloggers.}

When we found out rather abruptly last fall about our looming repatriation, I was overwhelmed by the lack of good information available on repatriation. I pledged to document our transition for those who would be going through their own transitions upon repatriation. I would stand in that information gap, and let them know what to expect and what obstacles and challenges we faced.

I truly intended to explain our experience every step of the way.

But the reality of it all was too close to home. We were nonplused. It was an extremely emotional time for us. I couldn't write that life back in our passport country seemed mediocre or mundane compared to our China experience. I couldn't write that getting up and out the door five days a week exhausted us and literally left us feeling wiped out for almost a first semester of weekends.

And of course, there was the fact that Mr Johnson's company wasn't exactly sure where they would place him. Even before our belongings arrived on a slow boat he was already beginning his second team Stateside, which was scheduled to be short term. "Oh great," we were thinking in the back of our minds, "Our stuff will arrive and be unpacked, only to be packed back up again." We held in that holding pattern, and I didn't feel the blog was the place to vent or cry.

The kids, we knew, would face both gaps and overlaps in their education. We hoped that the pricey international school that incorporated both violin and a daily foreign language would have them up-to-speed with their Amercian counterparts. But there were certainly things we couldn't prepare them for.

EHJ had a crash course in the Palmer Method of handwriting. She had been working in the British style connected writing, and was unable to discern her teacher's script when she arrived in her new classroom. MGJ was plunked into an Language Arts curriculum that built upon itself beginning in the first grade, which was wonderful for kiddos who attended our small public school without interruption, but for our middle schooler and any other transfer student, there was an overwhelming amount to catch up on. Bei Bei, for the first time in her life was in an entirely homogeneous environment. Everyone in her class spoke English, fluently. They flushed toilet paper down the toilet (instead of placing it in the customary Chinese bin) and knew the difference between Teddy Grahams and Pepperidge Farm Gold Fish. (Bei Bei brought Korean seaweed for healthy morning snack!)

When we arrived the wide-eyed foreigners in China we were not expected to fit in to Chinese culture. Our differences were visible. Our cultural gaps apparent. When we returned to our home culture it was expected that there would be a smooth assimilation back into 'normal life.' And it is this assumption, I think, that causes all the hang-ups for repats.

After international exposure and travel, we found that our interests and tastes changed. There were things here that once held our interest that no longer seemed as stimulating. After living abroad we were some ways more open minded. And we found that that open mindedness isnt' always seen as an attractive quality in one's home culture where everyone is more comfortable when cultural mores are concrete. (This is most likely true in any culture, but our experience only involves North American culture.)

Expatriation gives you a unique look at your own culture. You see yourself outside the box, and where, in the grand scheme of things you really fit. A friend recently posted on Facebook that if the world was distilled down to global village of 100, 82 people would be of colour. Interacting in an international community and living abroad that 82% seems more realistic.

Repatriation gives you a unique look at your own culture too. Upon re-entry you see it face to face as an outsider. Assimilation back into your home culture comes when you either no longer see the differences, or you don't find them so glaring.

We are nearing the one year anniversary mark of repatriation, which puts us a little beyond the half-way point of assimilation. Eighteen months to fit back into your home culture is the general average. We have ups and downs and still miss our China days like crazy.

Repatriation is a process. It involves looking back and looking forward. Reconciling that it is both okay to miss the experiences and relationships we had abroad, while taking tentative steps to embracing the future here.

We are looking forward ...

to cutting down our first Christmas tree in years, to decorating the inside and outside for the season, and playing Christmas stations on Pandora. We are excited to hear Bei Bei's first ever Christmas piece in her Sunday School Program, and watch them rock out to Rudolph at their school concert. We are excited that a Christmas get-together with family won't include jet-lag, and we are so looking forward to using our passports and boarding a plane to the Cayman's over the Christmas break!

*Mr Johnson's gig was twice extended. Original exit dates from China included (but where not limited to) Summer 2008, Summer 2009, Summer 2010, Summer 2012. Actual repatriation date? December 2010.

Repatriation Thought {three}

{three: talk it out}

Nothing helps me keep a finger on the pulse of our family's emotional health like talking.

Simple stuff. Big stuff. Everything in between.

It's easy to get caught up in the busyness of the mundane.

But little chats on how everyone thinks things are going .... Little conversations about snippets of life ... help keep everyone afloat during this stage of repat life.

Updates from the parental side of how work is going, or we fee like we are acclimating to a culture that is new and old at the same time seem to help too.

Sometimes the details don't come out to us. They come through that famous sister network, the one that is both taxed and strengthened by the fact that presently three girls share two beds in one room. I love to see the bond that grows and stretches between them. How "the Bookends" (those two feisty souls on either side of our placid middle) can be totally at-each-other's-throats one minute, and quite literally snuggled on the sofa (our token piece of soft furniture - the beds excepted) the next. The Three tell each other things. Some of which is discretely passed on to us, and other stuff that remains for the sisterhood alone.

Sometimes there are tears. But often their are giggles (like when MGJ related the story of being from Spanish). Talking it out. Making it up as we go along. Together.

Repatriation Thought {two}

{two: move slowly}

The way I see it ... three weeks in ... is you need to take your time, and not rush into anything. As in, don't commit to volunteer, join a club the requires something of you, a church, or the PTO. There will be a time and a place for these things. And quite possibly joining will help create the sense of community we presently lack. But for now we need time to mourn our old community, and suss out where we might best fit into a new community. We have what could possibly be a lifetime ahead of us in this area, and for now everything seems a little different from what we are used to.

Everything seems to take a little longer anyway for us these days. We take ages to get up and out the door. I am paralyzed by choices at the store. Homework that should be done in a jiffy somehow seems to drag out. We are moving ahead at a snail's pace. But: we are moving ahead.

There is much to be said in favor of a slow pace. We focus more inward, on our family. We share our experiences and really take time to listen ... which might be what is slowing us down, but in the end what just might put us ahead.

I don't specifically remember this 'move slowly' nugget from any of my repatriation research ... although Robin Pascoe strongly urges the unassigned spouse not to jump immediately back into work, and she adds... don't get a puppy.

Repatriation Thought {one}

{one}

On average, it takes a person/family about 12 months to adjust a new home and culture when they move overseas.

Repatriation, on average, takes about 18 months.