Expat Ruminations & The Northwest {Part III}

As I mentioned earlier ... our trip to Vancouver allowed us to catch up with four other families we knew in China. There is really no way to explain how neat it is to reconnect with people you knew on the other side of the planet!

When we bid our farewells in Qingdao twenty-two months ago, it was with the knowledge that we may never see some of our friends again. So, in many ways any such reunion is sweeter with the knowledge that it's likelihood was so slim.

Expat life is a series of circles and cycles. I often equate it to a Venn Diagram. Our family's circle, overlapping with another family's circle because of living arrangements, school choice, something as simple as shopping in the same international import aisle at the grocery store and/or, most importantly, because my husband's employer and the employers of other families all deemed a seaside city in peninsular China a worthy spot to deposit an expat family for a couple of years, allowing our circles to overlap.
{Of course ties where often greater than a shared interested in hazelnut spread, but that was often the fun and sometimes funny way friendships began. I recall one friendship in my earliest days in China, that began with a rather disgruntled expat wife showing up at playgroup after having voyaged back from a month of blissful seaside living in her motherland, returning in the smokiest days of Qingdao March. She complained about her husband's American employer, the hours of he was required to phone into conference calls... which translated into almost the middle of the night in China ... and about the the abysmal air quality in the Middle Kingdom. But, I noticed, her daughter had left the house in a dress-up cape, and I gave the mum the benefit of the doubt. Sure enough, it was jet-lag and exhaustion talking, and she became of my staunchest confidants in those first fledgling months in a foreign country. She was as fun and witty as her daughter's cape had suggested! Our Venn overlap began @ the expat playgroup.}


We had, in 2010, on our return voyage to QD, laid over in Vancouver, and considered it fortunate that we were able to see both The S & W families at the same time {in fact, at that moment, both families were sharing the same roof as they waited for slow boats from China to arrive with their expat goods.} They gamely let the girls and I hang out with them for a weekend.

The S, W, and Johnson Girls {Summer 2012 :: Crescent Beach}

When we promised a return trip this summer, and then learned that our Australian pengyoumen {The T's} had also managed to arrange a summer in North America {with greater Vancouver serving as a home base of sorts} we were thrilled!!

{All set to bike Stanley Park :: seventeen bikers and two riders}

{The Johnson fam, The T Fam, The W Fam, and the H Fam}

{silly faces}

As noted earlier, we had a week with The S Family before they took off for a 40th birthday get-away in bear inhabited interior BC. We headed south across the boarder to Seattle for a long weekend and a little 15th wedding anniversary celebration, some penny smashing on the tracks, swimming with skinny dippers, and drinking coffee.

Sufficiently caffeinated, we then returned to Vancouver, where The S's generously allowed us to live in their well appointed home, in their absence, and we spent three more lovely days biking, hiking, canoeing, swimming ... sharing lattes, BBQing and simply catching up with good friends.

As an added bonus, another family that we knew from our QD fellowship had recently repatriated to Seattle and joined us for part of that time as well. It was bittersweet as The H's lost their 11 year old son in a tragic accident in China last year, and now face a new life in America with three, instead of four, children.

There is much to be said about the importance of maintaining and nurturing these relationships, though oceans and timezone separates us. Our children benefited from the re-connection with other expat friends as much, if not more, than we did. The emphasis of the whole 3CK Movement (Third Culture Kids), is that expat kids share a unique camaraderie with other children who live abroad in a culture that is not their home culture, and not fully their host culture. For me personally, I see my kids reconnecting with other expat kids in shared lingo (referring to some words in Chinese rather than English) or using terms they shared in the British school system. I also seem them come alive as they rehash memories or connect on common ground (a shared dislike for Weekend Chinese school and a love for their respective Chinatowns).

our TCKs

{The don't call it Beautiful BC for Nothing!}

{sweet girlies}

{ice cream boy in his ice cream shorts}

Such A Good Summah {The Northwest I}

In late June we jumped on a United flight bound for Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada.

We spent two and half absolutely wonderful weeks in the scenic, wet, Northwest ... a welcome change, as by late June it was already very apparent that the summer of 2012 would be remembered in the Midwest as a season of drought. {Fate and good planning allowed us to reconnect with four families from China, and there might not be a more beautiful place on the globe for such a summer reunion.}

We stayed with our great friends and gracious hosts the S's who made elaborate meals, treated us royally, and introduced us to their life and surroundings in the Greater Vancouver area. In two short years since emigrating, they have immersed themselves in Canada. Their girlies who carry passports for three countries, are living a Canadian childhood.

We visited Fort Langely, White Rock Beach, Crescent Beach and ...

 a local berry farm, where this picture of
five of our favorite girls was taken!

We were "show and tell" in their girlies classrooms, and we got to see their school and meet their classmates and teachers. In YVR proper we played tourist @ Granville Island, Stanley Park, and Canada Place on Canada Day.





The Johnson's (& some smiley random guy)
in front of the Olympic Flame
@ Canada Place on Canada Day

Related Links on the Interweb ::
Historic Fort Langely
http://www.pc.gc.ca/lhn-nhs/bc/langley/index.aspx
Stanley Park, Vancouver
http://vancouver.ca/parks-recreation-culture/stanley-park.aspx
Canada Place, Vancouver
http://www.canadaplace.ca/

Our First Year in China

A while ago I was asked to present at our public library on our life in China.

I tried to think of a way to condense five years into 30 minutes. And I couldn't. It just doesn't work. So I thought first about our first year in China, and what it took to get there. I pulled together a video documenting our first months in the Middle Kingdom. If I'm emotional about getting to go back to China, creating this video might have been part of the reason.

It all came back when I looked at those pictures ... the fear, exahustion, and unknowns ... but also the thrilling wonderfulness of arriving and knowing things would probably be okay. It would work out. We would make it.

Here's a portion of the video I shared with 15 "Friends of the Library" tonight, while they munched on Chinese rice crackers along with Midwestern snacks:

Thankful for Friendships

One year after leaving China. Six years after leaving The Midwest {and coming back again} we can spin the garage sale globe in the living room, or log into our Skype account and see places and faces of people we know and love all over the world.

Our last 18 months have been a rocky business of uncertainty and transition. Readers here probably tire of hearing of it ... but through it all there have been friendships. Some friendships for the moments, but some are proving friendships for a lifetime. And it's not just Mr Johnson and I with these connections. The girlies too have emails rolling in and out on a regular basis to places in other time zones and on the other side of the international date line.

This week I am again mindful of just how many sweet souls we have relationships with around the globe: my friend in Australia, who tells in her witty six page Christmas rant of geckos in her dishwasher and a possible python in her ceiling; my friend in Michigan who will in the coming year, re-live her expat gig in China for two months -- this time as a homeschooling mum; my Korean friend I recently connected with on FB (she is still in QD and finally procured a VPN, and I although I oft have a love-hate relationship with the FaceBook, I love that it offers me connections like this one, and has recently added, thanks to the services of BING, the ability to offer on the page translation ... most of which are far from accurate ... but offer me a window into my friend's Korean life too!)

And it's not just international friendships.

There are friends we have found with great staying power in this part of the world too. Friends who have been patient with us on this journey, and thoughtful along this year of transition.

This time of year as the mailbox in front of The Bungalow (the vintage spray painted one that sits on precarious/jaunty angle) fills with glossy Christmas photos and sometimes even newsy notes from more local friends, we are again overwhelmed with the blessings of friendships. We are rich this season in friends. And for that we are extremely thankful.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne!

Chorus.-For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne.
We'll take a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

Summer Visitors ...

Last month,
we had the friends from Bean Town

This month, we had my sister from Canada

Love that these both of these guys

{Bean Town Pengyous and the Canadian Mei Mei}

are now just three hours away by plane, instead of 12 or 15.

{Three hours if United Airlines cooperates.}

{{United Airlines NEVER cooperates.}}

The First of July ...

July. Really? It does seem a little hard to believe!

Our June proved full, and eventful, and satisfying... in a summer kind of way.

Nice weather. Day trips to the city. Yard projects. Playing in the yard.

In June we

wrapped up soccer

hung a bird feeder

caught lightening bugs

and roasted marshmallows

all joined the summer reading program at the library in an effort to way to remain literary during school holidays

had visitors!

{We loved the short weekend visit from the Canadian Grands and a long weekend visit with our Besties from Boston -the irony was not lost on us that we took our friends from 'Bean Town" to Chicago's famous 'bean' in Millennium Park.}

June also was

time with cousins

a shower for another cousin soon arriving

and camps

{Nature Quest for MGJ, "Bug Out" for EHJ and VBS for all three}

I was chatting with some teachers today. They said that July 4th is the beginning of the end. After the holiday the remaining parts of summer sail by. June is done. Only a wisp of summer left. While I understand and appreciate their perspective, with all due respect I would counter that we have quite a bit of summer left. For the Johnson's it will involve a long weekend jaunt to Michigan, a visit from a favorite Canadian auntie, and a trip later in the month to The Land of the Maple Leaf. (We'll be boarding a plane and using our passports ... after six months of car-only trips! We can hardly wait!!)

Happy July! Hope you're enjoying your summer so far!

On 'Not Making it on Our Own"

As I've oft confessed, I love lyrics.

And I love Bono.

And I, so very clearly, cannot "make it on my own".

In this whole complicated process of packing up and moving 'home' there have been SO MANY PEOPLE, who have come along side us and helped us out. People who have emailed from other continents. People who cried with us. People who were there to answer the phone when I ended up in tears. People who walked us through what to expect. People who were honest about how they felt when they'd been in the same situation, giving us the freedom to realize it was OKAY to feel convoluted.

I am behind in emails, and thank you cards. (And so I blog?) I have been overwhelmed and humbled by so many people who have said the right thing at the right time. People who weren't afraid to ask how we were 'really doing' (My Russian friend, who I bumped into in Starbucks in our fleeting weeks in QD, said in blunt, and thoughtful honesty, 'You don't look good .... what's going on?' So I sat down and had the latte I didn't think I had time for, and had a chat that will always stay with me.)

When Shiraz and Tylenol PMs were no longer doing the trick. ("Kudos on combining wine with the Tylenol" my sister quipped, "I'm doing it for my liver," I retorted), I would climb out of bed in Qingdao and look at the sea, overwhelmed by the speed at which life was moving, but also by the tenacity of frienships that held tight, despite everything else. In the morning, with a strong cup of coffee to counter the effects of insomnia, I would play Bono's words loudly over the blow dryer :

Tough, you think you've got the stuff

You're telling me and anyone

You're hard enough

You don't have to put up a fight

You don't have to always be right

Let me take some of the punches

For you tonight

I knew then, what I know now. It was okay to feel weak. There were friends who cared and let us know. And often, it seemed, at EXACTLY the right moment.

For all of you who have reached out, sent notes, FB comments, emails or called. Know how much I appreciate your friendship. Know just how thankful I am for you.

Xie Xie NI!

Naming Kate's Boy

Last week I met this beautiful baby, my sweet Korean friend's 3400 gram breast-fed boy. She asked me to give him an English name. A task which I found both endearing and daunting.

This is not the first time I've been asked to name a baby while living in China. Shortly after we arrived in China, I helped a random mom of a Chinese classmate at EHJ's Chinese kindy pick an English name for her son. I told her to call him Matthew since her son's Chinese name was Ma Tian (and because I've always loved the name Matthew).

Three years ago I helped my Chinese teacher come up with a name for her little Ya Xin ("x" in pinyin has a "sh" sound). I came up with Shania, not because of my love for country music, but because it incorporated the same sounds as her given name, and was easy to pronounce. My teacher also liked the name because it was unique. She has given herself the English name "Maggie," but later realized that "Maggie" is an oft claimed (though I think quite tasteful) name among Chinese women her age (As well as Jennifer and Rachel for the cult following of Friends, which -- along with Desperate Housewives --made a late debut in China and created quite a misconception of modern women in the United States!)

Chinese "English" names are often common nouns, numbers or worse, borrowed from Disney.

We have met: Ice, Knife, Apple, Hunk (he wasn't), Iceberg, Eleven, Seven, Cinderella and Snow White. We have also met people who took nice enough names, but which are impossible for most Chinese to pronounce. For example, Mandarin doesn't have a /th/ sound (so much for my giving that little guy the name Matthew the first year we moved here.) For most Mandarin speakers /th/ becomes /sh/, which of course makes a muddle of names like Arthur (which sounds like Arshur... which in turn sounds like er shi, the Chinese word for '20') or Cathy whom most English speaking Chinese turn into Katty as a way to either save face, or they truly believe that's the correct way to say the name since so few have mastered the /th/of Cathy.

It's different with my Korean friend though. My Korean friend, unlike my Chinese friends, has had exposure to Western culture outside of watching pirated DVDs of American television programs. Kate could easily find a fun and trendy Western name on her own. She's cosmopolitan... having lived in Canada and several cities in China. She has successfully created an English name for herself and her husband, which are both reasonable and durable names. They gave their daughter a thoughtful name that can be used in three languages (English, Chinese and Korean) with ease.

And now she asks me ... a mother of three girls ... to name her baby boy (a boy she herself was not able to give a Korean name, since that honor was claimed by paternal grandfather).

My friend is fashionable, stylish and comfortable in English. She speaks with a West coast twinge to her voice, and not a noticeable Korean accent. She wants a fun and trendy name for her boy, not William or Billy or Harry or James... some of the more popular English names Korean boys take.

And so in the end, I drafted her this email. But, truly in the end, it is really her choice.

Hi Kate,

I've been thinking about a fun English name for Min Seo.

I have always loved the name Matthew, which means the same things as Min Seo (most often the meaning for Matthew is 'Gift from God'). However, I think Matthew is a little common now, and sometimes the "th" sound is tricky for kids and non-native English speakers.

I found Matteo which is a Italian version of Matthew and kind of trendy. I also like the way it looks similar to Min Seo (starting and ending with the same letters.)

You could reduce either Matthew or Matteo to Matt as he gets older. Matt is kind of a cool name for a older kid :-)

As far as current popularity, of the top 1000 boys names in the US right now, Matteo ranks #454. It has gained in popularity since the 1990s, but you probably won't bump into a lot of other little guys named Matteo (as a "Jennifer" this appeals to me, since so many other people my age share my name.)

If you don't love the name Matteo, it's okay... he's your little bundle. I won't feel bad if you don't use it!

Love,

Jen

Honest. Gutsy. and Saying Goodbye.

I saw our friends off on Friday.

I watched as they said good-bye to each one of his staffers on the back steps of their building. I watched as stoic 20-something Chinese guys, with stylish haircuts and handsome suits tried to stave off their own tears as they sent their German boss and his family off with good wishes. I watched as his female staffers, dabbed self consciously at wet eyes, and realized mine were wet as well.

Then, at last, it was our turn. The time came for the final embraces, for the final double kiss (one on each cheek), the Final Goodbye.

Then we watched as the they climbed in a van headed east down Donghai Lu toward the airport, with one-way tickets out of China tucked into their passports. And we finally saw them off.

But we had been seeing them off all week:

@ All day play date when their girls came to hang out with us as the packers came to their place and boxed up their life into tidy rows and stacks of cardboard and bubble wrap

@ The Korean BBQ dinner at the end of that exhausting day

@ Our all day play date two days later where my friend graciously carved out hours in their fleeting moments to hang out with us. (I busted the big girls out of school for the afternoon and we enjoyed laughter and sunshine and tea in the garden to the chorus of five girlies who function like sisters.)

@ the outside courtyard of a recently opened mall, where we were joined by Canadian friends. It was a "this-could-only-happen-in-China Dinner": The Kids armed with Hello Kitty Happy Meals from the Golden Arches, The Adults with trays of Indian food sneaked out of the food court (it was far too beautiful an evening to be cooped inside the confines and din of a Chinese basement canteen!), and a bottle of vino surreptitiously pulled from a handbag and poured into paper cups. Under a inky black sky, and the heady combination of curry and merlot we toasted friendship, and families, and laughed at the visual reminders we will always have of China when a local father coached is toddler to crouch and pee not 10 feet from where we (and others) where dining alfresco!

We have going away parties scheduled every Saturday (beginning last week) for four weeks in a row. It's a bitter-sweet time of year.

Friday night it all caught up with me. (The way emotion comes and rolls over me like a wave is never predictable.) Mr. Johnson and I were out to dinner at our favorite Italian joint, nearing the end of the meal, and overwhelmed by exhaustion from a busy and emotional week, and quite possibly by the fabulous antipasti, wood fired pizza, and seafood pasta we had just consumed. He caught my eye, and held my hand, and I felt the tears begin, dripping from my eyelashes, rolling unchecked and unabashed down my cheek.

Perhaps it was simply

the moment,

or the house red,

or the fact we were dining in Italian restaurant next to a long table of actual Italian citizens.

Two quick tangents:
1. There is never a better sign that you are at a good Italian restaurant than to have Italians deeming it Delizioso.
2. Olive Garden will never cut it after Trattoria Verde!

But I honestly think the Italians had something to do with it. Nothing is more honest than macho men who can greet each other with a brotherly kiss. Nothing is more gutsy than an adult man who can rock a white leather belt.

I love honest and gutsy. Its a huge part of what it takes to make a go of living abroad. And you have to be a little of both to let your emotions show. Traditionally, Italians have cornered the market on these traits, and they are noble ones to emulate.

I cried because I missed my friends already. I cried because its sad to see people go. But I also cried because of the richness and complexity that comes with the life we've chosen. Our lives are enriched by the people we meet, the culture we live in and opportunities we have here. The stakes sometimes are incredibly high. You meet and develop friendships with people for a relatively temporary amount of time, but not necessarily in a temporary way. But the payoffs are worth it, I can see that, even through the tears.

"The pain now is part of the happiness then. That's the deal."

Shadowlands

The "Man-Cation"

Last Friday Mr. Johnson flew to Beijing to join the end of an already-in-progress "man-cation" with his QD buddy who is turning 40, and 10 of his buddy's buddies from the US.

(I must now pause here and mention what an amazing thing it is to have 10 friends from home... most were college friends... come for a week of man time in China. I love that there are those kind of long-term, large-group friendships still in existence. Mr. Johnson and I were in awe, but if you knew our friend, the new Mr. 40, it would not be hard to see how he could have so many great, long-term, committed friends, willing to across the globe to hang out for a week.)

They stayed in the downtown area. Just steps away from iconic venues like Tian an'men Square and the Forbidden city. They hiked the Great Wall all day Friday. They got all the way to the broken-down bits of the wall, remnants of history more than 600 years old. (The Wall was originally built in 200 BC, but a huge unification/update happened during the Ming Dynasty.) They had a campfire in the Chinese countryside. They sang karaoke in a hotel lobby bar. They ate Chinese food. They had burgers at Hard Rock Beijing. They probably had a few beers. And maybe even a Cuban cigar or two. They toasted China, and turning 40, but most of all they celebrated friendship... in the most honorific way... by spending time together.