Lucky, Lucky, Liza Lu

Honest. Gutsy. and Saying Goodbye.

I saw our friends off on Friday.

I watched as they said good-bye to each one of his staffers on the back steps of their building. I watched as stoic 20-something Chinese guys, with stylish haircuts and handsome suits tried to stave off their own tears as they sent their German boss and his family off with good wishes. I watched as his female staffers, dabbed self consciously at wet eyes, and realized mine were wet as well.

Then, at last, it was our turn. The time came for the final embraces, for the final double kiss (one on each cheek), the Final Goodbye.

Then we watched as the they climbed in a van headed east down Donghai Lu toward the airport, with one-way tickets out of China tucked into their passports. And we finally saw them off.

But we had been seeing them off all week:

@ All day play date when their girls came to hang out with us as the packers came to their place and boxed up their life into tidy rows and stacks of cardboard and bubble wrap

@ The Korean BBQ dinner at the end of that exhausting day

@ Our all day play date two days later where my friend graciously carved out hours in their fleeting moments to hang out with us. (I busted the big girls out of school for the afternoon and we enjoyed laughter and sunshine and tea in the garden to the chorus of five girlies who function like sisters.)

@ the outside courtyard of a recently opened mall, where we were joined by Canadian friends. It was a "this-could-only-happen-in-China Dinner": The Kids armed with Hello Kitty Happy Meals from the Golden Arches, The Adults with trays of Indian food sneaked out of the food court (it was far too beautiful an evening to be cooped inside the confines and din of a Chinese basement canteen!), and a bottle of vino surreptitiously pulled from a handbag and poured into paper cups. Under a inky black sky, and the heady combination of curry and merlot we toasted friendship, and families, and laughed at the visual reminders we will always have of China when a local father coached is toddler to crouch and pee not 10 feet from where we (and others) where dining alfresco!

We have going away parties scheduled every Saturday (beginning last week) for four weeks in a row. It's a bitter-sweet time of year.

Friday night it all caught up with me. (The way emotion comes and rolls over me like a wave is never predictable.) Mr. Johnson and I were out to dinner at our favorite Italian joint, nearing the end of the meal, and overwhelmed by exhaustion from a busy and emotional week, and quite possibly by the fabulous antipasti, wood fired pizza, and seafood pasta we had just consumed. He caught my eye, and held my hand, and I felt the tears begin, dripping from my eyelashes, rolling unchecked and unabashed down my cheek.

Perhaps it was simply

the moment,

or the house red,

or the fact we were dining in Italian restaurant next to a long table of actual Italian citizens.

Two quick tangents:
1. There is never a better sign that you are at a good Italian restaurant than to have Italians deeming it Delizioso.
2. Olive Garden will never cut it after Trattoria Verde!

But I honestly think the Italians had something to do with it. Nothing is more honest than macho men who can greet each other with a brotherly kiss. Nothing is more gutsy than an adult man who can rock a white leather belt.

I love honest and gutsy. Its a huge part of what it takes to make a go of living abroad. And you have to be a little of both to let your emotions show. Traditionally, Italians have cornered the market on these traits, and they are noble ones to emulate.

I cried because I missed my friends already. I cried because its sad to see people go. But I also cried because of the richness and complexity that comes with the life we've chosen. Our lives are enriched by the people we meet, the culture we live in and opportunities we have here. The stakes sometimes are incredibly high. You meet and develop friendships with people for a relatively temporary amount of time, but not necessarily in a temporary way. But the payoffs are worth it, I can see that, even through the tears.

"The pain now is part of the happiness then. That's the deal."

Shadowlands

Lockdown.

In 1999, I was a week from my due date with our first child when two teenage boys, tired of being bullied by their peers, and unsure of how to deal with their depression, emotions and rage, walked into their Colorado high school, and killed twelve classmates and a teacher, and injured 21 others before turning their weapons on themselves.

With a heavy heart and a swollen belly, I went to work the next day. My boss, a mother herself and also a grandmother, shared the same sense of heaviness that swept across America that day.

But she also had some thoughtful words for me as I was on the cusp of parenthood, and contemplating the wisdom of bringing a child into this increasingly dark world.

She shared some basic but encouraging thoughts:

Everyone feels this way about parenting at one time or another.

And ... there will always be terrible things happening in the world.

But ... it shouldn't stop us from bringing little people into it.

And... it can't stifle the joy that comes from having them in our lives.

Of course her words proved all too true:

Two years later when I was pregnant with our second I watched on live TV as that second plane flew into that second tower changing forever life as we know it.

But she was right in other ways too:

My children have also changed my life from how I once knew it.

All for the better.

Even if there are difficult questions, and hard facts, and things that they learn about life and the world we live in.

"They said 'Lock down' lots of times at school today," my pre-schooler told me non-nonchalantly last week.

Fifteen times to be exact. The word Lock down .... chanted 15 times over the loudspeakers as a drill. Doors where locked. Heads counted. Prayers said.

I knew because the school sent a note home explaining it. Encouraging parents to give age appropriate information about the lockdown procedure.

I also knew because my 8 year-old has been talking about mental illness and the importance of making it to the closest classroom in the event she is outside of her own if "Lockdown" is intoned.

We live in China, and for the four years we've been here I have felt safer in public and private places than I would if living in a comparably sized city in North America. Chinese citizens are not allowed access to guns. They face great consequences if charged with/accused of a crime (not just if they are convicted of a crime -- but in Chinese society its almost the same.) You are guilty until proven innocent, not the other way around, and it makes for a society fearful to step too far out of line.

But there have been some issues of late. Demented or angry people taking out frustrations on their Society's most innocent. There have been several incidents across China (remember this is a HUGE country with a HUGE population... one our of every six people on the planet live under the Red flag with yellow stars!). Incidents involving attacks directly on students and at Kindergartens. There have been additional incidents they describe as "copy cat."

So, when I walk to the bus stop to get our girlies each afternoon, I wave to the local police officer who has been stationed outside the gate of the small Chinese kindie Bei Bei attended last year. At the girls international school there is heightened security as well, and practices for "Lock downs," and a reminder that this world is indeed flawed.

So we are talking about "Lock downs" on three age-appropriate levels. And we are doing homework and eating meals, and having play dates. We read continue to read Charlotte's Web aloud in the evenings, taking turns reading from two battered copies. We tuck the girls in, kiss them good night, adjust pillows, turn on night lights and remember that although this world is flawed, there also remains much beauty.

Goodbye Season

It's a long, sad week of good-bye. We are packing in as much as we can into this short time: playdates, coffees, dinners ... with our friends who will soon emigrate to North America.

When we left them after dinner last night I told Mr. Johnson it's like hospice. You sit, forcing a smile to cover your sadness, smiling at the people who love to be with, fearful to make eye contact for too long, lest they see the misty eyes. You know that the moments are ticking away, and you know that they are going to a better place... but we are feeling so sad to loose them all the same.

E. and I had a good 30 minute cry before she finally climbed to her top bunk last night.

We're still scoping tickets for this summer, but I think we'll have to add Vancouver to the itinerary.

Soccer - Team Brasil

photos by: vincent wu

All rights reserved

A farm girl, an Indian girl, and Princess Leia Walk into an International School for "Book Week"

Last Thursday the girls were supposed to dress like a character from a book. This has been a rather popular tradition in our home. (E. won in Year One for her portrayal of Horton from the Dr. Seuss classic Horton Hears a Who, and again in Year Two when she went as Miss Frizzle of the Magic School Bus Series fame.) This year proved just as exciting!

MGJ had several options floating about. Princess Mia from the Meg Cabbot series was her original idea, but then at the last minute she decided to don the Indian dress we picked up Kuala Lumpur's Little India, and dressed like a character from the little known book, Climbing the Stairs by Padma Venkatraman.

Bei Bei has been planning her costume for this exiting event for more than a year. She has wanted to be Princess Leia. Specifically, she wanted to dress like famous Star Wars princess dressed in Return of the Jedi when Leia rocked the metal bikini. We managed to talk her into the classic long flowing dress, which she was very pleased with.

E. didn't have any specific character she wanted to be. She tossed around the idea of Hermoine (she has cruised through the J.K. Rowling series this year), but decided against it, as every year there are many Harry's or Hermoine's making appearances at book week. She opted instead for Fern from E.B. White's Charlotte's Web. (We are reading Charlotte aloud in the evenings.) E. made a rather convincing Fern Arable, don't you think?

Eat. Pray. Love. Read. Swim.